Tips for dating a married man. Good idea or bad thing to do?
Last Revised on September 25, 2011Love Your Health Money Family & Relationship
Tips for woman who wants to date a married man. Are you someone who is in love with a married man, and wants to continue dating him? Then it’s a sure thing that you are in a state of confusion at this moment in your life and seeking help to lessen or even eradicate this emotional torments you are going through. Here are some tips for how to make this type of relationship successful.
1. Know and recognize the social stigma. You probably already know this that most society doesn’t approve relationships in which one of the lover is at current married to someone else. Even though you two know that he doesn’t love his wife and therefore is seeing you, the society in which you two live doesn’t. So be ready to face th challenge.
2. Is he really in love with you? Sometimes it is also common for a woman to fall in love with a man who is already married but is seeking a female friend to talk to about his life outside his marital life. It maybe that this male friend is just seeking friendship and nothing more – that he wants to keep his wife and not get divorce.
3. Read the statistics. Most relationships where a women is dating a married man doesn’t last long. There are many factors and two most common one being that the guy was only infatuated with you and that’s all, and secondly, why did he not have a succesful relationship with his wife to start with. If he is saying that his feelings and lifestyle doesn’t match with his current wife, then how did he end up marrying her. Ask these questions to yourself.
4. Is it good idea or bad thing to do? Dating a married man is no joke and carries a lot of drawbacks as discussed already. But as a female, it is you who will have to decide whether this man is the right person for you. Why does he attract you? How long can you keep having this “sneaky” relationship with him behind his wife? How would you feel if you were his wife and he was sleeping around with another women? It is you who has to decide at the end; so spend enough time and ask your good friends for different views.
5. Is it time to move forward with your life now? Is he manipulative or really loving natured guy? Don’t spend the rest of your life wondering if he will ever get a divorce from his spouse and move forward with you. Give him a specific time frame to choose between you and the relationship he says is no good for him. It is also important to realize that most men don’t want to go through emotions and mental stress of leaving their family behind.
6. According to Dr. Phil, relationship born out of affairs survive less than 5 percent if any at all. Eventually his wife will find out and will be left heart-broken, and next will be you. This is not to discourage you, to encourage you to think intelligently and not emotionally.
7. Keep your sanity. It may be completely pointless if you have already decided to stay in relationship with him no matter what, but make sure you stay sane. Make him commit to you before you commit to him. However, don’t make ultimatums that you won’t follow through; otherwise the problem will multiply by many times.
Please share your stories and advice for a girl who is thinking about dating a married man.
As always, please feel free to leave suggestions, ask any questions for help or simply discuss the topic. We highly appreciate your involvement and input everyday. If find it helpful, please share it with your friends by using one of the buttons below.
April 18th, 2011 at 11:58 pm
I feel like I am home wrecker, just put plain and simple because I can’t be dishonest with myself anymore. I feel like this married guy I have fallen in love with is willing to tell any women anything they wanna hear for some sex. We don’t know for sure though; that’s the problem. The doubt. Do I need to stop this misery from continuing on and more importantly should I face his wife and tell all?
April 18th, 2011 at 11:58 pm
Here is answer for any women who is looking to date or marry a man who is already married or having a relationship: GET YOUR OWN MAN!!! Come on, do you really have to stoop so low as to invade someone elses family. If he is doing it, then he’s a bastard for doing it. What’s wrong with you? Are there not Millions of other men out there, who might be single, or divorced? Look for a divorced one…if the whole being married thing turns you on, get a divorced one…at least he “was” married before right? ooohh how hot??? isnt it? In this position, your worse of a person than he is. He is unhappy in his marriage because he doesn’t try to fix it and honestly, most of the time it’s the guy’s fault, so he looks elsewhere. You as a women is accepting a man who is cheating on his wife and deceiving his family. maybe you are such a good person. (sarcasm)….find yourself someone else to marry. Firstly, he’s not going to leave her. Secondly, what happens if he’s with you and he’s unhappy after a while??? There will be another “you” asking this same question. Lastly and most importantly, it is completely immoral…just stop it. Let him deal with his own problems, and Find your own. I’m sure your not too ugly to find one.
April 18th, 2011 at 11:58 pm
This relationship is a huge waste of your time. Spend your life most productively and happily dear. This guy is cheater and cheating is the cruelest form of betrayal – I wouldn’t want a man like this. Raise your standards. Find a better love. There are so many single men out there. why him? don’t tell me he is good and this and that.
April 18th, 2011 at 11:58 pm
Do you introduce this man to your friends as your “married lover”? Probably not.
Divorce is really hard and expensive. If he isn’t already in the divorce mode, than it is likely that he never will be. That is unless his wife is the one to pull the trigger.
Don’t know what your expecting, but if it is more then sex I think you are in for disappointment.
Seems to me there are a lot of single guys out there for you. Besides the fact if he is cheating on the wife what makes you think he would stay faithful to you?
April 18th, 2011 at 11:58 pm
1. They NEVER leave their wife.
2. Yes, he is still having sex with HER.
3. They ALWAYS say they are SO UNHAPPY….check with the wife, I am sure she can tell you a totally different story.
4. He spends every holiday with his family, because thats WHO HE WANTS TO SPEND IT WITH.
5. Men like this say anything just to get in your pants. If if wasn’t you, it would be someone else.
6. You probably are not the first woman he has cheated with. Of course, he may say you are, but if you choose to believe a man that is LYING to his WIFE, what makes you think YOU ARE SO SPECIAL????
7. The second she finds out about you, he will drop you like yesterday’s news. Believe it.
Anything else you want to know????
April 18th, 2011 at 11:58 pm
If he cheating on his wife-whats to say hes not cheating on you-how could you even consider a relationship with anybody whose a cheater- your relationship started with a lie. If he could do it to his wife whose to say that down the road he wouldnt do it to you-remember is always easier the second time..to cheat!!
April 18th, 2011 at 11:58 pm
Girl, you better wake up and smell the coffee. If things were as bad as he says with his wife, he would have been gone a long time ago. I was married to a man who loved women, he had affairs throughout our entire time of being married. What was his excuse to his other woman? Well, take notes. He would tell the other woman ( they all talked to me after I found out about him) that I wouldn’t cook for him, that I would always argue with him, that I kept a messy house and didn’t like children. Just like your man is saying to you now about his wife, but guess what. I love cooking, the house was always clean, I gave him freedom, gave him sex like crazy and I raised his 2 twin daughters for 5 years, while their mother decided to be a real mother. So you see everything he told these women about me were all lies or the opposite of what he was saying. Your man might be bored with his marriage, but I believe thats all he has is boredom. Beleive me honey, he will NEVER leave his wife. Unless, she finds out about you and if she does, what makes you think she will leave? and if she does, would you be able to trust he won’t do the same to you. Things that make you go HHHHHmmmmmmm! Run, girl, run.
April 18th, 2011 at 11:58 pm
It seems to me like you are some kind of play thing for him.
If he goes around bragging about you, his wife know about you and chooses to ignore it, or they have an open marriage, or she is just very stupid.
As long as you and his wife let him do it, then he is scott free, getting his cake and eating it to.
But when you started dating a married man you get what you deserve, knowing that he is involved with someone else and still going out with him anyway.
Would you really consider a committed relationship with him knowing that he has cheated before. (not on you, but with you on his wife)
April 18th, 2011 at 11:58 pm
Oh gosh, if you are that girl that all i have to say is that you are simply the other woman. Period. He probably will not leave his wife. The relationship you have is purely physical since it is that aspect of his marriage that is dead, most of the time that’s the case. This woman will have no future of a serious relationship with such man and I would suggest such woman should move on if there is a desire for real love relationship.
June 7th, 2011 at 7:07 pm
I’m in a “relationship” with a married man and I’m engaged. I am putting quotes on the “relationship” because we mostly talk and e-mail. There’s nothing physical happening since it’s hard to get out to meet each other because he lives 2 hours away. When we do, we mostly hold hands and talk — all in public places…he asked me if I would want to be with him if he left his wife. I said “yes”. Now I’m not sure. What if he cheats on me? Why wouldn’t he? #3 in this column hit me right between the eyes.
June 11th, 2011 at 12:44 am
Hi, if any woman is in that kind of relationship, I would just say discontinue it right here. He is just playing with your emotions. Stop him from doing that and move on in your life. It’s just a common sense. I know it is very difficult to take such a decision, but finally it will be worth it. First step is to tell him that it is over, it will be painful, but then take some time out to understand yourself, your ambitions, goals, aspirations. Go spiritually, if you can. Time will definitely heal all the pains. You will forget everything after sometime and will definitely lead a good life. Keep only one thing in your mind, always believe in yourself and your basic instinct.
June 17th, 2011 at 4:26 am
I have a problem with a married man and I am married too. This man has asked me to give him money to finish filing his divorce paper. I told him yes at first but then later I changed my mind and to him no. He was so upset that he stop talking to me. I think I did the right thing by telling him no.
June 22nd, 2011 at 1:54 am
just get over him and move on,married man who cheat are losers,they have no idea what love or commitment in a relationship is.
June 25th, 2011 at 9:19 am
I dont agree, in my case my married man loves me, we are both leaving our partners as we are not happy with them, havent been for years, we have found true love with each other and want to be together for ever, neither of us have had affairs in the past, so what I am saying, is, dont think every man is a cheater, some are very genuine and looking for true love
July 7th, 2011 at 11:37 pm
I am dating a guy who is married but has been seperated (living in an apartment) for 8 months. Neither he nor his wife has filed. He says he is going to in a few weeks and won’t tell their son til it is final. He hasn’t told his son about me. I read stories and I am starting to wonder if I am dating a guy who just needs someone when he doesn’t have his son. Any advice?
July 30th, 2011 at 12:05 am
I am dating a married man and ive realised that um stupid. dating a married man is a complete waste of time. hez using me for sex only
August 23rd, 2011 at 6:26 am
I met a married men a few months ago in March this year. It started of as a casual thing – as I had been single for 3 years and he’s from overseas on business and would not return to my country. It’s been 5 months now – we emailed each other every single day and he came visited for a few days… I still don’t know what’s going on… I lacked the self control to let him go… the feeling was so intense that I just don’t know how to let it go… he’s not even near… Any advice?
August 25th, 2011 at 5:02 pm
Anybody who mess with anyone married is miserable and can’t find a men or women or looking for. Someone to take care of them they want to be treated like the wife or husband but trust me u want get what they get if anything happened to either one u end up with nothing so y waste ur time…hummm something to think about loser
September 13th, 2011 at 8:33 am
I have personally been in a relationship with a married man and I’ve gone through the same phases like most of you writing here do now. And because he left his wife and child for me and not by coincidence, but because I worked towards this goal, I want to share my story with you, all the women dating a married guy ——
Good luck
October 14th, 2011 at 8:23 am
Hi!I’m ndy I’m dating a married man & now I’m pregnent I’m nervous he’s a busy man & I think he is avoiding me.Before he was crazy about me he even build a house for me but he’s so distance now. I confronted him he is dinying that I need a advice plz
October 17th, 2011 at 11:53 pm
Hi,
I am also in a very similar situation. I am a married woman and I am in a relationship with a married man. I first dated him in high school. We grew up and ended up goin separate ways. We married and had our own families, but we always remained friends. We hav been friends for the past 20 years. Three and a half years ago, we realised we stil love each other. Funny thing is, we both have happy marriages, and we both won’t destroy our family lives. Sad thing is, we love each other dearly. We live in different cities, and see each other maybe twice a year. We chat everyday and share our innermost secrets. You may not believe this, but we have never had sex. Its not important to both of us. When we do meet, we kiss and cuddle and enjoy each others company. I believe that this is true love, but somehow it was not meant for us to be together.
October 18th, 2011 at 12:07 pm
My lady friend says I’m a family wreaker & mistress,yes I’ve fallen deep in love with a married man his wife doesn’t know but he did tell me he’ll never leave his wife/family for me I’m hurt by the way cos I never know when he mention break up our relationship.I was hurt by my previous boyfriend,yet now is he I know he’s the wrong man yet still continue luckily now both of us are still keeping in touch as friends.I’m glad enough,;)
October 21st, 2011 at 9:38 am
questions for all you narrow minded people…1, if he is unhappy, why should he destroy the family he has when he can find some happiness with his part time girl friend and keep the family together? 2, why do all of you think that the part time girlfriend wants more than that? sometimes fun is all thats needed for both people and everyone returns to their family happier! wake up! its not all heart ache and horror stories!
October 23rd, 2011 at 12:09 am
It such a pity that at the end of the day the other women always get the blame , yes I’m talking on the behalf of the other women…. Some one said get your own man let me say this A married man has been asking me out for more than a year now ididnt want to hear it but he has been chasing ever since. Now the question who is running after who and this man are so persuasive and irritating but at the end we take the blame , to married women please entertain yours man so they can leave us in peace.
October 23rd, 2011 at 12:11 am
My heart is filled with guilt whenever i think of his wife but im in love with him, i cannot chose to leave him..Its painful coz we’ve got involved physically too…please advice…i know im wrong but there were many factors for this decision of mine…i know he wont leave his wife and kids for me..Infact i dont want him to leave them making them fatherless…please help
November 14th, 2011 at 7:38 pm
I don’t care what you all think but I am seriously in love with a guy who I knew from the beginning that he has kids and has wife t home. It could be my risk taking behaviour that is making me fall in love with him, but after dating him for few weeks, which is long enough time to know a man, I have fallen for him and want to take next step level of relationship.
November 14th, 2011 at 7:42 pm
And so am I.
Open letter to my dearest d-bag,
I know you love me. I truly believe your relationship with your wife is terrible, has been for years, but there’s the kids to think about…..you love them too. If you hadn’t moved out of state and were closer to family….you would already be divorced. So, unfortunately for us, your wife holds all the cards.
I was in an unhappy marriage too, you know. I FULLY understand the guilt that goes along with separating from a
spouse and the imense guilt that you have irrevocably damaged your child / children.
And let me just say the way you pursued me was so subtle and cute. I love the way you make me laugh. I love the fact that we can talk or not talk for hours. You think I am smart, and tell me I am beautiful. The love for Chevy Chase comedies was too much for me to resist. TOTALLY TRUE LOVE.
Which makes this so difficult to say……
YOU ARE A MOTHER EFFING CHEATING LIAR. CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?
Thank you so much for your time (That “time” being during normal business hours, your drive home, possibly during your child’s football practice, or when you went out for really long walks).
I will leave you with a quote from Bob Dylan’s “Masters of War”: “I see through your eyes, and I see through your brain. Like I see throughout the water that runs down my drain”.
Most sincerely,
No longer your friend. In any way, shape or form.
P.S. I am going on the date with the chef
November 15th, 2011 at 8:22 am
okay this really kind of makes me angry…to see that so many women are saying that the “other woman” is a homewrecker. I myself am involved with a married man but I’m also married myself and going through with my divorce. I don’t think it’s fair for people to be so quick to judge because if he was so in love and happy with his wife he wouldn’t be trying to see the “other woman” anyways. When it comes to my particular situation I’ve known this man for over 10 years he has always tried his hardest to pursue me but I just didn’t do it. But now it’s like whatever. My advice to any woman out there is to be sure that you can handle this type of relationship, know what you want out of it because you in the end always have to be willing to proctect your self at all times. I also find the word relationship to be a hard one to say….because I don’t consider myself in a relationship with this man I see it as a friendship. But when you start developing feelings (and yes you will know) that’s when you sit down and have that talk that could make or break your situation…..if it’s just for fun then leave it like that but if both of you are wanting more than you just have to be honest with him and yourself and let him know that look this isn’t what I want and if you aren’t willing to change then I’m done with you and just cut all ties with him. Love is a crazy thing and sometimes we can’t help who we fall for but in these cases we really have to consider ourselves more. If he loves you like he says he does than it shouldn’t be that hard. Now when kids come into play,,,that’s the tricky part. That will be their main excuse for not wanting to leave but most families now a days are “blended” any way and if that’s his excuse then pack up an run like hell, because you have just wasted alot of time on this guy. But good luck to others out there…remember love yourself first then when a man comes a long and tells you all of the things..ie your beautiful, smart, and I love you you want be so quick to just jump into the relationship…..if you already know these things about yourself then you won’t be pharsed by it when he tells you these things.
Good Luck!!!
November 19th, 2011 at 2:26 pm
i like married man
November 26th, 2011 at 11:12 am
I am the other woman. It was not my intention to fall in love. But i am in love and he is also in love with me. He puts me before his wife in everything. They are not happy but he is staying together for reasons i dont need to say. Yea of course i feel bad at times but i cant help it if i love him. I am more happy with him than i have ever been with any other man so why i should i leave him..
December 1st, 2011 at 4:38 am
Well, am in a realationship wit a married men we hv been together for 3yrs now, am inlove wit him so bad, dat I feel sorry 4 da wife at times becus knw women diseves to be cheated on. Now ths men am involved. Wit doesn’t want me to date other men besides him but yet his married he told me he want to be wit me forever which I feel da every smeway, but sumday I wanna get married to him but I dnt want him to leave his wife n kids, da way I luv him I don’t mind bring wife no2…
@da end of da day only ur heart decideds who it wants to be wit weather MARRIED OR NOT! I luv him wit his family!!!!
December 11th, 2011 at 4:13 pm
Not every situation is black and white. There’s an area that’s shaded gray! I am in a relationship with a married man who I have been friends with for several years. He suspected his wife has been having affairs for a while but I was there when he finally found out. At first I encouraged him to work it out and after a year of her continuing her behavior he started thinking about leaving and I was supportive of that as well. For the last 2 years he has been in love with me, he was very respectful to his wife and I because he never told me. I knew from actions as he was my biggest support these last couple of years. We have just began to be intimate and I will admit it can be difficult at times. He has prepared himself his wife and I for his departure from that marriage. At times I too let my mind wander to what if’s but all situations are different and until I have a reason to do otherwise I will take him for his word. So yes I am an Other Woman but we all have to assess our situation within itsself and make our own mistakes! Everyone deserves a little happiness sometimes
December 13th, 2011 at 4:04 am
hi, i am also in love with a married man we have been dating for months now and i love him so much i dont know what to do coz i love him and he loves me too, now he thinks i am cheating , sometimes i think of leaving him but i just can’t i love him so much and he once told me that he is not gonna leave his wife for me but i love him i don’t care about that i feel so safe when i am with him he is better than single man coz they wil just use u and leave u
December 14th, 2011 at 12:28 am
As has already been noted above, life rarely is black and white. Most of the time there is more going on than what is evident on the surface. I’m a married man who is in a relationship with another woman. You want to call this an affair? Sure, we will call it an affair.
I got married when I was very young and I’m pretty sure that both me and my wife were more in love with the “idea” of being in love than we really were with each other. We didn’t have a lot in common, even back then. Years have gone by, we have three kids and we are married now more out of convenience than anything else. That sounds sad to say, but it’s true… when we are married we can share finances, not have to worry about figuring out joint custody of the kids, and just simply have someone else around to share in responsibilities.
But still… it’s been a very long time since I can say we have loved each other. She has cheated on me twice. She is the self-appointed decision maker in the house, and downright resents when I even attempt to pose a differing opinion. She also is very specific in what our interests are… and when I say OUR interests, I say so because I don’t have interests of my own. Her interests are my interests, any interests I may mistakenly believe I have that were not approved by her are irrelevant.
Obviously… I’m miserable.
Then six months ago I met the most amazing woman of my life. We met on a game we play online and just started talking. The spark was there immediately. We have so much in common it’s downright eerie. We both have really odd senses of humor that nobody has ever been able to really ‘get’, but we understand each other totally. Within a month of meeting her I knew that this is the woman that is my 100% match.
I’m in the process of a divorce right now, and I understand why it doesn’t happen often in this situation. It’s HARD to give up safety and security only to strike out into a complete unknown… but I love this woman, and I would regret it for the rest of my life if I didn’t try to make this happen.
And for the record, we don’t have sex. That, among other things, are off limits right now. Despite all my issues with my wife, we want this to happen in a way that is respectful of her and of my kids… so we have chosen to hold off on sex until after I’m divorced.
January 23rd, 2012 at 5:17 am
Tips are very needy and helpful a lot. But there is no any bad effect for that. But i think this effect will be different from the country to country.