Tips for dating a married man. Good idea or bad thing to do?

Last Revised on September 25, 2011

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Tips for woman who wants to date a married man. Are you someone who is in love with a married man, and wants to continue dating him? Then it’s a sure thing that you are in a state of confusion at this moment in your life and seeking help to lessen or even eradicate this emotional torments you are going through. Here are some tips for how to make this type of relationship successful.

1. Know and recognize the social stigma. You probably already know this that most society doesn’t approve relationships in which one of the lover is at current married to someone else. Even though you two know that he doesn’t love his wife and therefore is seeing you, the society in which you two live doesn’t. So be ready to face th challenge.

2. Is he really in love with you? Sometimes it is also common for a woman to fall in love with a man who is already married but is seeking a female friend to talk to about his life outside his marital life. It maybe that this male friend is just seeking friendship and nothing more – that he wants to keep his wife and not get divorce.

3. Read the statistics. Most relationships where a women is dating a married man doesn’t last long. There are many factors and two most common one being that the guy was only infatuated with you and that’s all, and secondly, why did he not have a succesful relationship with his wife to start with. If he is saying that his feelings and lifestyle doesn’t match with his current wife, then how did he end up marrying her. Ask these questions to yourself.

4. Is it good idea or bad thing to do? Dating a married man is no joke and carries a lot of drawbacks as discussed already. But as a female, it is you who will have to decide whether this man is the right person for you. Why does he attract you? How long can you keep having this “sneaky” relationship with him behind his wife? How would you feel if you were his wife and he was sleeping around with another women? It is you who has to decide at the end; so spend enough time and ask your good friends for different views.

5. Is it time to move forward with your life now? Is he manipulative or really loving natured guy? Don’t spend the rest of your life wondering if he will ever get a divorce from his spouse and move forward with you. Give him a specific time frame to choose between you and the relationship he says is no good for him. It is also important to realize that most men don’t want to go through emotions and mental stress of leaving their family behind.

6. According to Dr. Phil, relationship born out of affairs survive less than 5 percent if any at all.  Eventually his wife will find out and will be left heart-broken, and next will be you. This is not to discourage you, to encourage you to think intelligently and not emotionally.

7. Keep your sanity. It may be completely pointless if you have already decided to stay in relationship with him no matter what, but make sure you stay sane. Make him commit to you before you commit to him. However, don’t make ultimatums that you won’t follow through; otherwise the problem will multiply by many times.

Please share your stories and advice for a girl who is thinking about dating a married man.

As always, please feel free to leave suggestions, ask any questions for help or simply discuss the topic. We highly appreciate your involvement and input everyday. If find it helpful, please share it with your friends by using one of the buttons below.

56 Responses to “Tips for dating a married man. Good idea or bad thing to do?”

  1. nina Says:
    November 19th, 2011 at 2:26 pm

    i like married man

  2. Love My Mr. Wrong Says:
    November 26th, 2011 at 11:12 am

    I am the other woman. It was not my intention to fall in love. But i am in love and he is also in love with me. He puts me before his wife in everything. They are not happy but he is staying together for reasons i dont need to say. Yea of course i feel bad at times but i cant help it if i love him. I am more happy with him than i have ever been with any other man so why i should i leave him..

  3. Confused n deeply inlove Says:
    December 1st, 2011 at 4:38 am

    Well, am in a realationship wit a married men we hv been together for 3yrs now, am inlove wit him so bad, dat I feel sorry 4 da wife at times becus knw women diseves to be cheated on. Now ths men am involved. Wit doesn’t want me to date other men besides him but yet his married he told me he want to be wit me forever which I feel da every smeway, but sumday I wanna get married to him but I dnt want him to leave his wife n kids, da way I luv him I don’t mind bring wife no2… 🙂 @da end of da day only ur heart decideds who it wants to be wit weather MARRIED OR NOT! I luv him wit his family!!!!

  4. Sortanotreally Says:
    December 11th, 2011 at 4:13 pm

    Not every situation is black and white. There’s an area that’s shaded gray! I am in a relationship with a married man who I have been friends with for several years. He suspected his wife has been having affairs for a while but I was there when he finally found out. At first I encouraged him to work it out and after a year of her continuing her behavior he started thinking about leaving and I was supportive of that as well. For the last 2 years he has been in love with me, he was very respectful to his wife and I because he never told me. I knew from actions as he was my biggest support these last couple of years. We have just began to be intimate and I will admit it can be difficult at times. He has prepared himself his wife and I for his departure from that marriage. At times I too let my mind wander to what if’s but all situations are different and until I have a reason to do otherwise I will take him for his word. So yes I am an Other Woman but we all have to assess our situation within itsself and make our own mistakes! Everyone deserves a little happiness sometimes 🙂

  5. deeply in love Says:
    December 13th, 2011 at 4:04 am

    hi, i am also in love with a married man we have been dating for months now and i love him so much i dont know what to do coz i love him and he loves me too, now he thinks i am cheating , sometimes i think of leaving him but i just can’t i love him so much and he once told me that he is not gonna leave his wife for me but i love him i don’t care about that i feel so safe when i am with him he is better than single man coz they wil just use u and leave u

  6. Marriedinlove Says:
    December 14th, 2011 at 12:28 am

    As has already been noted above, life rarely is black and white. Most of the time there is more going on than what is evident on the surface. I’m a married man who is in a relationship with another woman. You want to call this an affair? Sure, we will call it an affair.

    I got married when I was very young and I’m pretty sure that both me and my wife were more in love with the “idea” of being in love than we really were with each other. We didn’t have a lot in common, even back then. Years have gone by, we have three kids and we are married now more out of convenience than anything else. That sounds sad to say, but it’s true… when we are married we can share finances, not have to worry about figuring out joint custody of the kids, and just simply have someone else around to share in responsibilities.

    But still… it’s been a very long time since I can say we have loved each other. She has cheated on me twice. She is the self-appointed decision maker in the house, and downright resents when I even attempt to pose a differing opinion. She also is very specific in what our interests are… and when I say OUR interests, I say so because I don’t have interests of my own. Her interests are my interests, any interests I may mistakenly believe I have that were not approved by her are irrelevant.

    Obviously… I’m miserable.

    Then six months ago I met the most amazing woman of my life. We met on a game we play online and just started talking. The spark was there immediately. We have so much in common it’s downright eerie. We both have really odd senses of humor that nobody has ever been able to really ‘get’, but we understand each other totally. Within a month of meeting her I knew that this is the woman that is my 100% match.

    I’m in the process of a divorce right now, and I understand why it doesn’t happen often in this situation. It’s HARD to give up safety and security only to strike out into a complete unknown… but I love this woman, and I would regret it for the rest of my life if I didn’t try to make this happen.

    And for the record, we don’t have sex. That, among other things, are off limits right now. Despite all my issues with my wife, we want this to happen in a way that is respectful of her and of my kids… so we have chosen to hold off on sex until after I’m divorced.

  7. Libido Says:
    January 23rd, 2012 at 5:17 am

    Tips are very needy and helpful a lot. But there is no any bad effect for that. But i think this effect will be different from the country to country.

  8. de[pressed on the delta Says:
    March 3rd, 2012 at 4:06 am

    I have been involved with a married man 4 almost 3 years. and i know i need 2 break it off. he has made it perfectly clear he will never leave his wife and two small daughters. He has tried 2 convince me that they have not had sex for 9 years. other than that they have a good marriage, they dont argue they still go on vacations. he does not lie to her to come see me. I feel in love and ever since then we we have lots of fights. i have ended it several times but he wont leave me alone. and the minute i see him i cave in. i am a bsrtender so he comes into my job even after i tell him not to. he is very open in public and kisses me out on the main streets. how his wife is not suspicious i have not got a clue. he does not help me financially and i am tired of spending nights weekends holidays alone. you are probably wondering why its so hard to walk away. well our sex life is awesome and i like his smile, his kisses, the way he looks at me. when we are together he makes me feel good about myself.. i am fifty and have been told i am in great shape for my age. i get hit on as a bartender but i am in love with him. i am afraid i will have to move out of state to get over him and not have to run into him. help i am hurting

  9. don'tfallforit Says:
    April 4th, 2012 at 5:05 am

    I am a man. I can’t believe these threads. Look he would leave if he was in love with you. He wouldn’t be able to stand the dual life. He would miss you. He couldn’t stand being with her. He is sleeping with his wife. He is telling you stories. His life isn’t that bad. If it was all that bad-HE”D LEAVE!
    These same horrible things he says to you about his wife will be turned on you when she finds out. As soon as she finds out – he will say he couldn’t help it- you seduced him. You didn’t mean anything to him because he just knew you were easy. That’s how it happened. It was because you were an easy piece that everyone knows they can get into bed. He will throw you under the bus.
    When his real life is threatened – you will be the one to go- and it won’t be pretty. If sex was the only reason to stay together then you might win. However it is not. I hate to tell you this but part of the reason the sex with our wives isn’t great any longer is because we let it get that way. When we are doing it with someone else – it sparks us up at home as well and really while I was having the affair was some of the hottest sex I ever had with my wife.
    I know all this because I did it. Good luck and keep going back so he can get some side.
    I for one would do anything to take back what I did to my wife. I can’t – I lost the only person I have ever loved- the love of my life- and this was not the other woman.
    I can’t stand to look at my affair partner- because she is the reason my life is ruined. The great sex is not great anymore knowing I destroyed everything for this so called great sex. I am disgusted with my affair partner now- try as I might – I blame her – I blame myself- but she was just as much to blame. She was my friend- she could have helped me rebuild my marriage when we talked about it being in trouble – instead she slept with me.
    When your married guy tells you he loves you – please keep in mind-most of us got married and believed we would be faithful. Most of us thought we would be faithful to our wives. When we find ourselves in the middle of an affair, it’s hard to believe that we are doing this. We tell you we care probably because at some level we do- but it is more because- we have to rationalize this really bad behavior to ourselves. I mean really- I couldn’t have woke up every day and looked in the mirror and said- today I am going to go use a woman- then come home and use my wife and quite possibly Screw my kids out of the life they deserved. Telling my affair partner I cared made me feel better, it made me be able to rationalize all of my actions. It was all about making me feel better for my behaviors.
    The sad part is I really missed my affair partner after my wife found out, but that wasn’t love – it was missing how I had two women to take care of all my needs. I missed having this woman pawn after me. Willing to do anything to get my attention. It took me two months to realize she was not anything to me.
    I am not trying to be mean – I am trying to help you- you all deserve better than this.

  10. Deceitful Says:
    April 22nd, 2012 at 5:27 pm

    I’ve been involved with a man who is also my boss for about 3 years. I’m also married but I’ve developed feelings for him. Our relationship is purely sexual & he’s never said that he had any feelings for me. I’ve tried to break things off but he won’t stop pursuing me. I’m trying to leave because of how I feel about him so I won’t get hurt & I’m afraid to tell him. Can a man really have sex with a woman for almost 3 years & not develop feelings? What should I do? Advice please!

  11. crazy i know Says:
    July 25th, 2012 at 1:08 am

    i have been seeing him for 2 years now. i love him so much, he makes me blush, he is funny, and so intelligent, but i dont want to wreck his family. i dont want to be the woman that caused her pain.and the idea of marriage freaks me out because i have seen so many divorces around me, and domestic voilence cases. its like ive developed a phobia. having said that, i wouldn’t mind staying his mistress :)for as long as we make each other happy. i never think about a life with him, the moments with are so great, i never think that far…..

  12. Amarie Says:
    July 26th, 2012 at 4:17 am

    I am really glad to come across your article, as there are so many girls falling in the trap of dating a married man, and the sooner they understood how wrong is that the better for them!I am 28 myself and would never consider this as an option, because from what I’ve seen so far with friends of mine, who has been involved in such type of affairs, it never ended happily for them and so I hope this article can be an eye-opener for girls who are currently in such situation.

  13. Craziness Says:
    August 2nd, 2012 at 6:41 pm

    Reading some of this is so sad!! It’s ablsoulty crazy to think that anything good would come from something that was built on a lie! And the areas of gray in a marriage are not ur concern!! As a woman I could never date a married man I’m too worried about how I would feel of the shoe was on the other foot !! But that’s the problem these day women have no self respect and then get mad when a man has no respect for them !! Learn to love ur self cuz if u did u would know that u deserve better than some man telling u that he’s goin to leave his wife !! U deserve a man that u can call ur own!! That u can take around ur family and friends and feel good about flaunting him !! Get it together ladies men won’t respect u if u don’t respect ur self !

  14. # 41 is so right Says:
    September 11th, 2012 at 1:03 am

    I’m a man and totally agree with #41.Men will think less of you if you sleep with them knowing you are married.I would know you’re setteling for less.You can’t do better than to be with me, A married man.?Hell she’ll give me herself even though she knows i’m married? What else can i get away with.Talk about having your cake and eating it!What low self esteem she must have of herself.That’s what I would think of such a woman.And that’s right I’m not leaving my wife,ever.So just accept that about me and don’t ask me anything about her.Let’s just talk about when we can hook up again and again until you wake up and finally find a single man of your own.That’s the way it is women out there.( just find a single man of your own)not someone else’s!!period.

  15. What foolish people exist Says:
    September 11th, 2012 at 11:23 pm

    Any one that knowingly gets involved with a married person is wasting their time and risking getting confronted by a angry spouse.Don’t any of you watch cheaters? Only 2 things are likely to happen.BOTH ARE BAD FOR YOU.You either end up getting caught by the spouse and have to deal with the consequences. ( might get you shot or beat up)Or you end up helping ruin someones marriage and end up with a cheater you’ll never be able to trust.Why go thru all this non sense when there are so many single people out there?Remember once a cheater always a cheater.Cheaters are selfish and self centered people.Just find yourself an available person and you’ll be much better off.

  16. naomi21 Says:
    December 3rd, 2012 at 11:27 pm

    you know what crazy i always talk about women who date married men, but my dumb ass went with one. in my case im only 21 years old dating this older men. The reason why i think i did it because i just wanted to be loved. At first he was just a sugar daddy then became my man. from being out of abusive relationship, raped, and dating women. My lifestly is totally fucked up. my parents were never around to help me with advice. I just been throuh alot and i could really use some mental help. I really do wanna leave this man, but he makes me feel good u know. when noone wasnt around he was already there. he buys me things, tells me how preety iam, and help me with my needs. you can judge me but i dont get a “fuck” but this is what i think. I think im going to leave h and just move on with my life because i guess it was the support he was giving me that anyone else has. so i suggest everyone else does the same and its okay to fool around someone but there are consequences…

  17. karma Says:
    December 12th, 2012 at 2:36 pm

    Just remember anyone who is cheating on their spouse is someone that goes around their problems and they will always have the same issues.You certainly can not trust such a person.If this is the way they deal with their problems ,that’s how they will deal with it if they end up with you.So best bet is to move on to someone who is not attatched.Why would you want to trust a cheater ,there’s too much lying and deception going on with that person.Don’t fool yoursely and don’t waste any more time,the longer you stick around the more likely you will get caught.And you’re passing up too many single girls at the same time…

  18. tosh Says:
    December 26th, 2012 at 3:37 am

    Im in a relationship with a married man and Im in love with him, I just found out he was married when we first started having talks on the phone and texting then dating and spend alot of time together, he never told me he was married. I would of never thought this would happen to me but Im in love with him and Im really trying to leave him alone, We have been together now for almost a year but I love him and I really feel in my heart he loves me, he has even moved out of the home with his wife I feel really bad but he told me she cheated on him first so he forgave her and stayed to try and make the marriage work but he says he is no longer in love with her he’s in love with me, and he wants us to be together sometimes he still spends the night at the home him and his wife have together,and he really gets mad at me when I have a male friend at my house what in the world is going on with this man I know I should just move on and Im trying but Im in love with him so much.

  19. karma Says:
    January 29th, 2013 at 10:56 am

    You get what you build.Build a relationship based on lies and deceict,what do you think will come of it? Yup more lies and deciet.Trust and honesty are at the top of any relationship if it is to be successful.

  20. karma Says:
    January 29th, 2013 at 7:31 pm

    The worst thing about getting involved with someone else’s spouse is all the time and efforts that will be wasted.In the end they never leave their spouse ,and you are left wondering about all the potential relationships that you passed up on because you were hung up on the married one.What a waste.Life is not a dress rehearsal people,you only have one go around.Why waste your time on someone that already belongs to someone else.You’re lying to yourself if you think that this cheating deceitful lying person is thee one for you.One that’ll lie and cheat is not a trustworthy person.So why would you want to kid yourself that they will be honest and trustworthy to you?You wouldn’t trust a wolf around a bunch of sheep would you? Then don’t trust a cheater.Best advice is simply go find a single person that you can call your own,not someone else’s spouse….

  21. ChangedLife Says:
    February 7th, 2013 at 9:39 am

    My husband recently passed away. I am not ready for a commitment from anyone yet, but I do appreciate the attention and fun that I am getting from a married man. This is just what we both want/need right now. I am not ready for a relationship, and he doesn’t want to leave his wife so he isn’t mentally ready for a relationship, either. I asked him when we first met if he was happy with his wife. His response is “most of the time”, so why try to muddy the water trying to pretend LOVE is going to get involved? I agree with many, that if he would mess around on his wife with you, then you had better expect it to happen to you down the road. He already knows that he can get away with it, and has experience on what to do to hide it. But, I also agree that the wife cannot blame the other woman. If he didn’t want to mess around on his wife, he wouldn’t. Saying that he couldn’t help it, or that the woman “made” him do it…it is just a cop-out for a person that didn’t have the fortitude to be faithful.

  22. how to survive an affair in marriage Says:
    March 8th, 2013 at 12:29 pm

    I love both of you guys so much and by the way perfect mach!!!!!!!!

  23. What foolish people exist Says:
    May 1st, 2013 at 11:23 pm

    I agree with 47,Trust and being faithful are at the top of my list ,when it comes to being in a relationship.If you don’t trust your spouse it will make for a stressed out marriage.Once it has been broken you might as well move on.

  24. shawnsbaby Says:
    August 24th, 2013 at 3:44 am

    I have been dating a married man for 7 years now, for the first 5 years I guess you could say we were using eachother for sex because I would cut him off if I was in a realationship with another man. The past 2 years have been very intence and even thought our realationship as very close friends has stayed the same, we have gotton much closer and much more serious. He has 2 young kids and a house, fence, 2 dogs…the whole nine, hes is very possessive and jelous over me, also a little bit controlling but im the same way with him, I know this is all a waste of time but the thing is, even though I love him, I would NEVER EVER want to be in a relationship with him because…he’s a lier and a cheater obviously! He has had no reason to lie to me in the past but who knows, and Im moving out of the state in about 14 months so I tell myself im just keeping him around until then, and we have safe sex so theres no risk of pregnancy. I look at it like this, there is no point whatsoever to date a married man because you might not have real feelings for hm at first but I promise they will eventually creep in and then even though you are awate, and even comfortable with the situation, its probably steaming from low self esteem or serious confucion in life, so I would say, you should do better.

  25. eyeswideopen Says:
    February 6th, 2014 at 8:23 am

    I have just read all these comments and I still feel confused. I believe that things happen for a reason. Sometimes yes married men don’t leave their wife but sometimes they do. I think its comfort and security that keeps them in a “unhappy” relationship. Everyone deserves to be happy. The other woman is not always to blame, nor is the married man. Sometimes it just happens. I think that every situation is different and you have to make the finally say if you think its worth your time or not. I do believe if he loves you and is truly he will make an effort to leave his wife but you have to show him that you will be there for him when he does. Man are as sensitive as women and in some cases worst. I think sometimes women don’t appreciate that wonderful man that you have at home, that works hard and gives you everything you want and need. He is starving for attention and if you don’t give it, he will find it somewhere else. I have meet a wonderful married man. He is so beat up and caught up in this unhappy marriage. It breaks my heart for him. I used to think once a cheater always a cheater. But that’s not really true. People do bad things sometimes but that should not shape their whole life and smack a big label on them of “always a cheater”. Good luck ladies and wish you the best.

  26. dating a married man Says:
    March 25th, 2014 at 6:18 am

    hi,im in a relationship with a married an and four years now and i dont seem to have a problem with him up to today because he’s the for me,when ever i need him and im happy

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