How soon is too soon to start dating after a divorce or breakup?

Last Revised on August 17, 2011

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You are going through post break up with your boyfriend, how soon to start dating again. Or say your marriage didn’t go as you thought it would, and ended up as a divorce after months or years of disagreements between you and your spouse. Now what, is it too soon to start looking for a new partner just after a month of separation? Is being a single mom or dad affects your child? We will try to explain these here.

Tips for dating after a divorce and how single parenting makes a difference

Find the reason why. As blatant as it sounds, you need to look inside yourself and ex first. Did the marriage end because of your husbands alcoholic and abusive behavior, your own attitude or kinda both. This is the time to be honest with yourself; nobody has to know what you truly think caused the divorce. After you do that then you decide what type of person you should be and what kind of person you want to be in relationship with.

Is the the first one? How many relationships have you been into and how many of them were serious and which one of them you thought would work out but it didn’t. These are the type of thing you need to think about so that you make sure you are not just attracted by her physical characteristics. Inner beauty is what you are looking for if you want to marry someone. This way you will make sure your relationship with the new boyfriend or girlfriend is the last relationship you will be in ever with anybody and divorce won’t happen this time.

You are not alone. As lonely as you feel after breaking up with your husband or wife of many years until now, you need to realize you are not alone in this. The kids feel the same as well. Your need may be limited to intimacy you get from him or her, but your child needs are greater – they need both the parents. Good parenting occurs when both the parents help raise their children.

How soon to date again after break up?

Going through a break up is one of the toughest moment in the life of people who has relationships not work out. Before you start to date again, it might be good idea to take into consideration whether your heard and mind have come in to terms about the break up with your ex. If not, maybe you should give yourself some time to heal and thus avoid rebound relationship. You want to be over with your bad relationship so that you can fall in love again.

Online matchmaking sites: almost everybody who is single has used one time or another a dating site. Not everybody however use it to find a date; some are just looking to see what type of people are available out there. Since you just came off of bad marriage and finalized divorce, you can use dating sites to see who are available as well if you feel ready. Maybe it will make you feel better knowing that you aren’t the only person who is single because the relationship didn’t work out.

How long you been dating with this new guy or girl? Remember almost everybody feels good about a person when they are seeing for the first time; that’s almost always true with dating. We are somehow made to think that the new person we met at work, coffee shop or somewhere is great and fun. What we need to realize is that we felt the same in the beginning when you met your ex too. This time you might be more desperate and feel the fire burning inside you bit more however.

Before you make a commitment. A new relationship is fun, but as time goes by the relationship can become dull. It is important that you know for sure that dating this new guy for once in a while is different than getting involved in a committed relationship. Everybody has a different take on how soon you should start seeing someone after a divorce is finalize as there is no specific rule; even though there is nothing wrong to go out and date right away, but do give yourself enough time to know this man so that your heart is not broken twice within a short period of time. You learn from your mistakes so to prevent it from happening again.

Show your positive attitude. Seriously, now you are not in this bad relationship anymore; so chill out. Besides it is important that the other people see you as a positive and happy person, the combo of these two characteristics help you become more sociable and therefore attract singles who are on the look out as well. Another tip that maybe helpful to understand is that if you are now or already wondering about when to start dating again, maybe you are ready now.

Taking the time to heal after a break up will help you avoid a rebound relationship and put you in the best place to find love again.

As always, please feel free to leave suggestions, ask any questions for help or simply discuss the topic. We highly appreciate your involvement and input everyday. If find it helpful, please share it with your friends by using one of the buttons below.

14 Responses to “How soon is too soon to start dating after a divorce or breakup?”

  1. Jessica Free Says:
    November 26th, 2010 at 1:26 pm

    Usually when we start to introspect, we tend to answer our own questions. So if you have any doubts, keeping it casual is a good technique. Since you just broke up with your lover, you have to heal that heart broken scar first and try be the best person you can be before you begin commit to anyone else. What seems to work most often is sharing the fears with the new person, and if he supports it is good; if not, then try again. It will be kinda hard being alone and not in a relationship when you are so used to being with someone.

  2. joeyp_p Says:
    November 26th, 2010 at 1:26 pm

    after divorce life goes on, if it’s ok with YOU, then go for it. Remember this, no one can feel what you feel, sense what you sense or judge your position because they haven’t been in your shoes. Live your life as you like it and above all, enjoy it.

  3. geoffy_g Says:
    November 26th, 2010 at 1:26 pm

    The new date sounds healthy. I’d suggest you talk to him in-depth about your concerns. There IS a concern about rebounding – especially out of an abusive relationship. Though I don’t know you, I’d suggest if may indeed be too early to make a commitment, but if you both work, maybe it will work. HOWEVER, do NOT keep the relationship just to make your son happy – U need to be happy.

  4. Match Maker Online Says:
    November 26th, 2010 at 1:26 pm

    As I found out the hard way, there is no specific rules about dating after divorce. When I was divorced in early November few years back, it was after more than 30 years me and my wife were close together. But to this day, I still can’t step out and date like a normal men would do. However, she had no problems finding a guy and is now remarried already. If your serious about this person you met, and if he or she is serious about you, then this person will or should understand if you need some time to get healthy or make sure you are healthy and or to make sure you are ready for this new commitment. And as for the little child, he just wants a both the mom and the dad. Me on the other hand, I’m still to screwed up and depressed after divorce. I’m in the process of getting professional help. So make sure it’s right for you. And if your ready for sure, go for it. Life is too short to live alone and unhappy. Good luck

  5. Emily Aukes Says:
    November 28th, 2010 at 8:52 am

    Here is my advice to who are wondering if it is too soon to start dating after a break up: it is never too late. As long as it makes you happy, that’s it. Your boyfriend or husband obviously was not the right guy for you, that’s the reason you guys broke up. So he moved on, so should you. you need to get out there and on with your life!! knock the bad past memories dead. When you are such questions, then it means you are ready. But yeah, don’t rush too much. If the new guy you are starting to see is the right one he will give you all the time you need and you’ll know when you are ready and he will too.

  6. Jenny Torlkelson Says:
    November 28th, 2010 at 9:53 am

    I am looking for advise on when to date after a 4 year non-marriage with a young child? I just ended a 4 year relationship. I thought I was married until today. I found out I was never legaly married when I left my husband and filed for divorce. I have no romantic feelings for my EX anymore and have since met a new man who is everything I ever wanted and more. I have a young child whom I adore more then anything else. The new man I am in love with has met my child and they get along well. My question is how long should I wait before publicly dating the new man after leaving the other relationship?

  7. How long should I wait? Says:
    December 4th, 2010 at 10:43 pm

    I am also looking for advice and suggestions about divorce and dating while separated? Your opinion is greatly appreciated. I was in an abusive relationship with man for over 3 years,and now I am in the process of obtaining a divorce. The state law requires a one year separation, but the paperwork has been turned in and I’m waiting till the separation is up. My ex doesn’t want a divorce, but attorney said he got no choice or consent to give. Long story short, I have met a great man who treats me like a gold and I have fell in love with him. Am I take steps too soon in regard to dating and having a new relationship? Do I need to wait for a while? I wish things weren’t so difficult to decide upon. Kate N.

  8. how to start dating again after breakup? Says:
    December 10th, 2010 at 9:59 am

    I recently broke up with my ex boyfriend; he was such a sweetheart but we had a lot of differences that started to show up slowly and slowly. Now it has been few months since the break up and I have been feeling hesitant to start seeing other guys; to some extent I think subconsciously I need to be faithful to bey ex but we are not in a relationship anymore. I don’t know if he found some other girl or not. But we need to move on and therefore i need to learn how to start dating again. I am too young to be alone by myself. There is nobody judging me but still I want to be happy for my own sake and to keep the sanity inside. I have started to learn how to start looking pretty, doing make up and dress like a single women though. It is just there is a small doubt inside making me wonder if I have moving on too soon because I was with him for over many years. It takes longer than just few months to recover from relationship lasting several years.

  9. Jessica Spires Says:
    December 11th, 2010 at 9:48 am

    Here are some things to ponder about if you are asking the question: how soon can you date after a divorce or break-up? Here are some of the signs that you may be moving past the breakup of relationship with you ex:

    Seeing a picture of your ex doesn’t stir up emotions inside your heart and mind? I am sure you can remember lots of enjoyable memories especially you started dating in the beginning. It shouldn’t affect your mood to much.

    Do you know how you should react if your ex boyfriend or husband called you? More importantly, are you prepared for both the circumstances where he may or may not call you at all.

    Are you able to talk about your ex husband calmly and without getting upset? You should be a
    Can you talk about your ex without getting angry or upset?

  10. Divorce in process, how soon to remarry? Says:
    December 18th, 2010 at 9:07 pm

    I have been seeing this girl for a while after my wife left me; it has been few months now. But divorce isn’t finalized yet since it seems like getting a divorce attorney is a long process court dates are closed for the holiday season. I rarely imagined this legal separation and the waiting period would be long or even happen when I got married. A few weekend ago, my girlfriend was angry and annoying me as she was saying I lied to her about separation from my ex wife – basically questioning my marital status. I say that I am legally separated but she says I am still married and she will be with another woman if my soon to be ex spouse doesn’t complete the divorce papers.
    My girlfriend was enraged so she got so drunk I had to look for her all night to keep her safe. She had also taken prescription pain pills and washed it down with the equivalent of six shots of rum to drink straight from the bottle. She was so intoxicated she needed to be walked to the bathroom and returned to bed. Long story short, this girl desires to marry me and have baby as soon as possible. But for me coming out of a marriage just recently, I feel like I shouldn’t marry again this early. One of my friends advised me to have sent flowers to her at work. But I am not sure if I should do such things after seeing that kind of drama.

  11. When to start dating again? Says:
    August 17th, 2011 at 5:43 am

    You know yourself best and can tell if you love your spouse anymore or not. There shouldn’t be any problem getting back out there to find a new relationship that will make you happy.

    Just make sure that you be careful that you don’t get attracted to someone like him again,because a lot of women fall into that pattern. My mom always fell for abusers over and over, and it got worse as time went on. Abusive partners will ruin your who life; just don’t fall in love with such crazy partner.

    There are many men who don’t understand about the female emotions when fallen in love; avoid these people at all cost if you can. There are many, many more who could appreciate you for who you are, and what happened to you in the past makes you a better person of who you are now.

  12. Dating too soon after a breakup? Says:
    October 3rd, 2011 at 9:21 pm

    My man went off to school and couldn’t handle being depressed and lonely without me and most of all the distance. Another girl kissed him and he didn’t stop her. He knew then that he couldn’t handle it. We were together for a short but wonderful 3 months. I know it would have been much longer but distance was the major killer for us.

    I have met someone else online and he is going to be meeting me in person in about three weeks. The breakup was about 3 weeks ago. I feel ready to do this but at the same time I want to hold on. My now x-boyfriend still talks to me online. We talk as friends-not sure if that’s a good idea either. So I think if I keep on like this I will end up waiting for a guy who cannot wait for me. I mean, just stuck on him!
    I’ve got a line-up of men who want a chance with me and I really don’t know if it is too soon to meet this other man in about a month. I know he is a nice guy, he talks to me everyday and seems to be the whole package for a girl like me. I just don’t want to make a mistake!

  13. Snooze Says:
    October 8th, 2011 at 9:14 am

    My ex hubbie and I divorced in September after 3 years married (8 years together in total). I no longer have feelings for him-the last 18mths of our relationship we grew apart and the love was lost.
    I received a message from an ex colleague from 14 years ago via Facebook quite by chance asking how I was. He knew nothing about my divroce, last I had spoken to him was the year I got wed, in 2008.
    He had also been recently divorced but whereas I had no children from my previous marriage he has 2 daughters aged 12 and 8.

    This was the beginning of a rekindled friendship whereby both of us admitted to the other that we had feelings for one another back in the day but as we were both in relationships at the time neither of us acted on the feelings we had for one another.

    We emailed/texted/phoned each other multiple times throughout a 2 week period (Im currently in Portugal and he in the UK)and things were going well. We could speak about anything & everything and plans were in place for us to meet at the end of October and in November also.

    Then I received an email from him saying he is over his ex wife 100% and there is no going back there however he is scared all of a sudden.His feelings being all over the place have left him confused and he doesnt know where this leaves us. He told me that he knew what he wanted 2 weeks ago; whats changed, what’s frightened him he doesnt know…..He emailed me to say he promises that he will let me know when he is ready to try again, clear in his head that he can start again and not have anything that is going to get in the way. He thanked me for being me.

    ARGHHH!! a week has gone by now and I have had no word from him 🙁 I am sitting here worried that the marvellous feelings we shared via phone/email/Skype etc have now ended in nothing and I dont understand why! Im confused and want to give him the space he needs but dont understand any of it 🙁

    Any advise?

    Thank you

  14. Snooze Says:
    October 8th, 2011 at 9:21 am

    I forgot to mention that when I do call him or or text him to fnd out how things are know I dont get a reply text and he doenst return/answer my call 🙁
    I´m very confused and dont know what to make of this all.

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